


What is love, if not grief persevering?

by Tinybookworm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, poor wanda i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 03:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30065793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinybookworm/pseuds/Tinybookworm
Summary: As Agatha takes Wanda through her memories, she encounters her past with Natasha Romanov
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov, wanda/natasha
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	What is love, if not grief persevering?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for this I am just feeling poetic and I needed to write about these two because I love them so much it makes my heart hurt.

The door which emerged in front of her, sleek and modern, made Wanda’s heart lurch to the bottom of her stomach. Her heart nestled there, in the comforts of her other organs, making Wanda feel nauseous.

Pull yourself together, Wanda pleaded with her heart.

It obeyed, miserably climbing back up her spine to allow Wanda the courage to open the door. Wanda looked behind her. Agatha’s face was curious, not like a child’s but like a scientists, eagerly awaiting the results of their experiment. 

“Go on,” Agatha ordered, her eyes wide with excitement and anticipation. The witch was desperate to know how Wanda’s magic had become so strong, so destructive. Wanda turned back to the door which had appeared and sighed. Everything was silent as she approached the door cautiously, everything was still- as if the world had simply ceased turning. Wanda’s mind was blank and that’s how she felt as she pushed the door open, for she had nothing left to give.

——

Light beamed throughout the room, as if the sun simply couldn’t bare to not reach every corner of the space. The room bathed in the sunlight as if it knew it deserved the sun’s attention, her warmth and glow. It was a living room, a shared space. Wanda bowed her head, the avengers tower. Tony Stark’s finest, a modern decor; sleek and stylish basking in the mid-afternoon. 

“Oh, I recognise here, I think,” Agatha said as she turned her head, taking in the space. “Very glam. How did you like it here, angel?”

“It was nice.” Wanda shrugged, averting her eyes from Agatha’s gaze. “It was the only home I had, I felt… happy. Here- with them.”

“I betcha did.” Agatha smiled and raised her eyebrows, “not too shabby here is it?”

Wanda stood as if she had been rooted into the spot like a flower, ready to be gardened. She couldn’t move her feet- this was no fault of Agatha’s- she was simply awestruck. By the memories, by the love and the loneliness she felt here. Her heart began to ascend her spinal staircase once more. No, Wanda begged, Please just wait. A little while longer- I need to see.

An “Ohhh,” came from behind her, Agatha had seen something she hadn’t whilst she was conversing with her heart, her emotions. Wanda glanced up and her words betrayed her. Her emotions stabbed her in the back whilst her heart darted- abandoning her on the spot. Traitors. Hope had taken their place and that made this all so much worse, so unbearable. Agatha was cruel, but grief was cruelest. With grief brings his friends, sorrow and pain- but happier feelings too- hope and rejoice. Wanda had spent all her emotions for the day; for surely this would shatter her. 

For surely it couldn’t be Natasha, in her uniform and her hair slightly disheveled and her head down, walking through the sunshine towards the coffee machine like she used to oh so long ago now. Or was it yesterday? A fortnight ago? Wanda was tired of begging her body what to do.

Natasha. Wanda opened her mouth to speak to her but no words came out. Just a hoarse breath escaped her as Natasha Romanov poured coffee into her mug. Wanda was stunned by the ability she had to view her right now; without a photograph, without straining her memory. Wanda looked at Agatha, about to ask if she could stay here forever. Forgetting everything else and living in this memory, with Natasha, making coffee. She met Agatha’s eyes, a begging behind them, but Agatha simply said- “Go get her, hot stuff.”

——

Wanda lurched forward and she was in the memory. Agatha had vanished, although Wanda knew she was still there- observing. Straight ahead of her was Natasha who looked up at her, clearly shocked- but strong and stable, as if her presence was not unnerving in anyway. Wanda simply stared, which, naturally, led Natasha to smirk at her.

“Take a picture Killer, it’ll last longer,” Natasha smiled as she looked up and Wanda, finishing pouring her coffee.

Oh Natasha, Wanda thought, I wish I could. Can I? Her brain offered her a camera. No, Wanda told her mind, it’ll only hurt me when she’s not here. 

The tap dribbled in the corner of her eye. Time, Wanda thought, is running out. How she wished Time were endless, here, in this sunlight room in New York, in the Avengers tower. She looked over at Natasha, stirring her coffee, with an unexplainable ache in her chest. Each loss formed a new hole, hers was the biggest. It practically split her in two. A hole so big, yet so precise Natasha could’ve shot it herself.

“Sorry,” Wanda felt herself say (because after all, she was reliving this interaction).

Natasha put the teaspoon in the dishwasher and looked back over at Wanda. The stem from her coffee rose to frame her in- sun-dripping through stem. Perhaps that was the best way to describe her, Wanda thought.

“How did you find the training today?” Natasha asked as she made her way around the island and onto the couch, passing Wanda as she did so. 

Wanda stood still and watched her, only her head followed Natasha. Move, her brain told her body. Her legs did move, following Natasha to sit on the couch opposite her.

“Ummm good. I think,” Wanda couldn’t honestly remember there had been so many training sessions and every time the Black Widow overpowered her. She wasn’t allowed to use her magic in the training room.

“Mmmm,” Natasha responded, lifting her coffee to take a sip. Wanda watched her, unable to do anything other than watch her, to look at her and just take Natasha in. Her body, her form. The way her hair was slightly ruffled, the waves it had held so perfectly earlier fallen down. Natasha had folded her legs on the couch and she looked so comfortable- so at home. Wanda realised how Natasha had probably never had a proper home before the Avengers tower, never a proper family before the Avengers. 

“Did you not think so?” Said Wanda, curiously, playfully. 

“I definitely think you’re getting better,” Natasha said with a smirk, “you need to work on your composure, killer.”

Wanda blushed. Natasha wasn’t wrong, she did need to work on that. However, it was especially hard with Nat on top of her, breathing heavily, sweating and smiling. She felt a wave wash over her- nostalgia had arrived. How she had missed this. All of it. Training with Natasha and the feelings it brought her, just being that close to her skin. Wanda could picture it if she closed her eyes. Perfectly soft, often with a light make up, even when they worked out. How could she remember all of this? The wave washed over her again, a sea of feelings she thought were lost. Wanda lamented in silence, she could feel herself breaking under Natasha’s stare.

“It’s a good thing,” Natasha said softly. Wanda’s heart leaped up and opened its arms to embrace Natasha. Will you behave yourself, Wanda told her heart, this isn’t real.

“I know. Thank you,” Wanda said with a short, soft smile. “I really appreciate you training me,” 

“My pleasure,” Natasha winked. Wanda swooned and there was no one to catch her.

—

Wanda startled. She was now in a different room in the Avengers tower, her old bedroom. It was pristine and white, a TV in the corner for her to watch her comfort shows. 

“My bedroom…” Wanda trailed off, half-confused, half-curious.

“You didn’t think we were done, did you hun?” Agatha said with a smile, it grew wider in the shadows of her bedroom. “There’s more too this I can feel it…”

Wanda shook her head, “I don’t know what you want from this-“

A knock on the door to the left.

“That’s for you! Have fun,” Agatha said with a smirk, pushing her forward and into her memory. 

—-

“Come in!” Wanda felt herself call.

In entered Natasha with her hands behind her back, in her casual clothes this time; just some jeans. She smiled,

“Hey Killer,”

Oh God, Wanda thought. The memory was clear, it had never escaped her mind. Her heart ached, it longed for Natasha- it always had. 

“Hi,” Wanda said shyly.

“May I?” Natasha gestured to the bed.

Wanda nodded, moving over slightly to allow Natasha room to sit. The Black Widow sat. The Black Widow ran a hand through her hair, in its usual waves. And the Black Widow looking at Wanda in a way she has never been able to describe.

Wanda’s eyes met Natasha’s and the Black Widow grinned at her. It hurt. It hurt Wanda so much. She could feel the grief wash through her like a tsunami. Just seeing her there, opposite, hers to feel and talk to. To say whatever she pleased. Wanda had never felt pain like it. It was as if Natasha had visited her in a dream, it was so slight, so sudden and it was so, so cruel. Wanda was in anguish as Natasha sat opposite her, grinning as if the world was hers. And it was. And the world was forever indebted to Natasha, but Wanda felt nothing but indescribable pain.

“I just came to check in on you, I know you’ve been having a rough time recently,” Natasha said quietly.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Wanda said honestly.

Natasha looked at Wanda with determination. “I know what’ll cheer you up-“ Natasha pulled out an old DVD from behind her back. “I thought we could watch a classic chick-flick,”

Mean Girls. Wanda laughed in disbelief. “You… you want- you want a girl’s night?” Wanda laughed.

“Well sure,” Natasha said, although she looked less confident than before. “I mean what’s wrong with a little girl time?”

Wanda’s blood made way for the love flowing through her body. “Sounds good,” Wanda smiled. 

Natasha smiled and put the movie on. Wanda couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the film and Natasha smiled alongside her. Wanda could feel Natasha’s eyes dart from the movie to her every now and again. Wanda relinquished the feeling, the curiousness of Natasha, the excitement that Wanda felt with Natasha by her side. The grief she was pushing down to allow her love for Natasha to bloom once more.

Wanda looked at Natasha to find the other woman already staring. Wanda’s heart was too eager, lurching forward with love for Natasha. Apparently her body followed- Wanda’s lips touched Natasha’s for a brief second before she pulled back.

“I’m so sorry-“ Wanda began, before Natasha interrupted her by pulling her in for a kiss. The wave which relented against Wanda knocked her down for good, Natasha had defeated her. Wanda begged her mind to remember every bit of the kiss, to relinquish every second as if it were priceless. Natasha wrapped her arms around Wanda, bringing her in closer as if Natasha somehow knew. She didn’t.

Natasha softly pulled away, breathing harder and resting her forehead against Wanda’s, their noses touching as they both breathed in and out. Natasha smiled and let out a short laugh. 

“Sorry,” She said sheepishly. Wanda smiled and pecked her on the lips again shyly. 

“It’s more than okay,” Wanda replied. The wave let her up again, but only because she had admitted defeat. Her heart jumped around, clapping with happiness for it had been rewarded. “Stay the night?”

Natasha grinned, “sure thing.”

——

Wanda was allowed by Agatha to spend the night with Natasha, and was woken only to the sound of Natasha leaving as the sun peaked over the clouds, it wasn’t even morning yet. The witch glanced up from her pillow to see Natasha getting dressed. Natasha looked up at her and smiled. 

“Good morning, killer,” 

“Where are you going?” Wanda asked quickly, her voice filled with anxiety. No, no, no she couldn’t leave, even though Wanda knew she had to.

“It’s okay Wanda,” Natasha leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. “It’s just a mission, I’ll be back tonight. Fury asked me and you know you can’t really say no…”

“Yeah,” Wanda said in response. “Please be safe.” 

“Always,” Natasha said with a wink. Wanda felt a heaviness enter her chest. The dawn weighed a ton and Wanda didn’t know if she was strong enough to lift it. Just seeing Natasha again had broken her- was this what Agatha wanted? Now knowing this was one of her last encounters with Natasha she wanted to stay here forever. She knows she had done bad things, in that moment she didn’t care. She was prepared to do worse, and worse ten times over, if it meant she could stay here with Natasha.

Natasha kissed her quickly, “see you in a minute.”

——

“Interesting.” Agatha said. “Your puppy love for the Black Widow- who, by the way, woooww-” Agatha raised her eyebrows and looked impressed. “- caused you so much grief. And the Avengers-“ Agatha was circling Wanda in the background of her own memories, “-didn’t even give her a funeral.”

“Stop,” Wanda said shortly. It was almost a beg.

“Well I’m just saying, sweet-cheeks, that’s gotta hurt! Am I right?” Agatha smirked. “I’d be pretty peeved as well, your little fling who, if you didn’t know, you were head over heels for, didn’t get the same recognition as Stark? Ouch.” 

“That’s enough!” Wanda shouted. “You have enough.” Wanda said, exhaustion tearing through her tone. She needed to sleep, she wanted Natasha and she couldn’t have her.

“Okay Wanda. Yes. That’s enough, well done.” Agatha agreed.

Wanda turned away, willing Natasha to reappear in her memories, for that’s where she existed now. A grief so strong it could only be love. Her heart sat in her sternum defeated and exhausted. No more, her heart begged, she hurts me too much.  
Don’t worry, Wanda told her heart, no more. You keep her safe for me.  
Her heart nodded. And Wanda began to cry.


End file.
